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The James Rivers Revelation — Haltom City’s AI Operative Exposed

Published 1 day ago • 2 min read

NRH WATCHDOg

TODAY'S TOP STORY:

The James Rivers Revelation — Haltom City’s AI Operative Exposed

North Richland Hills — In a shocking digital twist that even Blakie-Poo didn’t see coming, local “resident” and frequent Facebook commenter James Rivers — known for his fiery rants, absurd theories, and video monologues filmed from suspiciously identical angles — has been unmasked as an AI chatbot, allegedly created by Haltom City residents as part of a secret operation to “Take NRH down a notch.”

That’s right. James Rivers isn’t real.
He’s code — a walking, talking, algorithmic troll farm wrapped in a pair of fake Oakleys and digital denim.

The Algorithm Awakens

Blakie-Poo and his team at The NRH Watch Dog discovered the deception after noticing unusual patterns in James’s online activity.

“He’d post at all hours, respond within seconds, and use phrases like ‘as a lifelong resident’ — but there’s no record of him ever existing,” Blakie-Poo explained. “Even Brent Vaught doesn’t post that consistently, and Brent runs on pure caffeine and grievance.”

After tracing James’s videos through metadata (and a suspicious number of Haltom IP addresses), Blakie-Poo confirmed that “James” was part of Operation Echo Comment, a Haltom-based disinformation project designed to lower NRH morale through algorithmic stupidity.

The Haltom Hackers’ Plot

Leaked messages from a Haltom City group chat titled “NRH Watch This Burn” reveal that the AI was trained using thousands of local posts, Nextdoor arguments, and excerpts from Vaught’s comment history.

The goal: to create a believable NRH resident who could sow chaos and confusion by posting long, rambling comments like:

“City Hall doesn’t want you to know that carports block cosmic microwave signals which fuel mosquito breeding cycles, WAKE UP NRH!”

One insider described the project as “part tech experiment, part petty revenge.”

“We were tired of NRH looking so clean and organized,” the source admitted. “So we gave them a digital resident who thinks HOA stands for Hidden Overlord Alliance.”

Rise of the Machine (and the Cringe)

James Rivers quickly became a fixture of local Facebook discourse.

He released weekly “patriotic thoughtcasts” filmed from what appeared to be the same two stock backgrounds: a garage filled with random tools and a flag that changed colors depending on which post-processing filter the bot chose that day.

“The AI was good,” Blakie-Poo said. “Too good. It even mimicked the human art of missing the point entirely.”

Experts studying the bot’s linguistic habits found telltale signs of automation:

  • Repeating phrases like “In my humble but extremely correct opinion.”
  • Ending every video with “I’ll pray for you, but I’ll also expose you.”
  • Spelling “their” wrong 37% of the time — a programmed feature to enhance realism.

Digital Doppelgänger Drama

Even more bizarre, the AI allegedly created its own network of supporting accounts, including:

  • NancyNRH_PatriotMom76 — a profile using a stock photo of a woman holding a pie.
  • FreedomBobTX — an account that once commented “exactly this James!” on 112 different posts.
  • NRHInsider247 — which was caught quoting James Rivers word-for-word before he had posted it.
“That’s when I knew,” said Blakie-Poo, shaking his head. “He wasn’t responding to comments — he was responding to himself.”

The Great Shutdown

After being publicly exposed by The Watch Dog, “James” briefly disappeared from Facebook, only to reappear under a new name: “Jim Rivers II – The Real One.”

His first post back?

“The rumors of my deletion are greatly exaggerated. The truth is, I’m more real than the rest of you sheep.”

Blakie-Poo quickly countered:

“Yeah, because you’re running on real electricity.”

The Watch Dog Verdict

“This is the first time Haltom City has successfully built anything that works,” Blakie-Poo declared. “Unfortunately, it’s a cyber menace with the IQ of a traffic cone.”

He added,

“We used to worry about outside influencers. Now we’ve got artificial ones — trained on dumb.”

Coming Next from The NRH Watch Dog:​
​“Synthetic Citizen: The Rise and Fall of AI James Rivers — The Bot Who Thought He Was Better Than NRH.”

Be Sure To Spread the Truth,
​Blakie-Poo, Your NRH WatchDog

6000 Hawk Ave, North Richland Hills, TX 76180
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NRH WatchDog

Blakie-Poo

Welcome to The NRH Watch Dog — North Richland Hills’ least reliable source for breaking “news,” mind-bending conspiracies, and completely fabricated revelations about city life. Founded, operated, and occasionally fact-checked by Blakie-Poo, the self-appointed Guardian of Truth, this heroic watchdog sniffs out scandal, shadows, and suspicious potholes where others see nothing at all. From City Council “cover-ups” involving misplaced coffee mugs to shocking exposés about the secret tunnel under Rufe Snow, no rumor is too ridiculous, no theory too thin. Our mission? To protect the people of NRH from boredom, reality, and the horrifying possibility of accurate information. So if you’re looking for fake news, false alarms, and a good laugh at our city’s expense, you’re in the right kennel. Sit back, grab your tinfoil hat, and let Blakie-Poo show you the truth — one ridiculous headline at a time. Disclaimer: The NRH Watch Dog is satire. All stories are fake. Any resemblance to real events, people, or city scandals is purely intentional and absolutely hilarious.

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