NRH WATCHDOg

TODAY'S TOP STORY:

City Staff Beg Local Resident Jimmy Ruska To Stop Submitting FOIA Requests Every Time He Loses His Keys or TV Remote

Officials remind him for the seventh time that “misplacing personal items is not a matter of public records.”

North Richland Hills —​
City staff reached a breaking point this week as Jimmy Ruska, a well-meaning but deeply confused NRH resident, submitted his 118th Freedom of Information Act request since January — this time asking for “any and all documents, security footage, witness statements, and secret logs” that might reveal the location of his missing TV remote.

According to City Secretary Dana Furlow, the department has spent a combined 46 staff hours responding to Jimmy’s unique interpretation of the FOIA process, which he appears to believe functions as “a municipal lost and found with paperwork.”

THE HISTORY OF MISUSED TRANSPARENCY

Jimmy’s requests over the last six months include:

• “FOIA request: Where are my car keys? They were here yesterday.”
• “Requesting all emails, memos, or internal discussions regarding: my missing sunglasses.”
• “Do you have any city footage that might show who took my garage clicker?”
• “Please produce documents revealing why my AirPods ‘mysteriously disappeared’ after I mowed the yard.”

One particularly memorable filing from April simply read:
​“SHOW ME THE TRUTH ABOUT THE REMOTE CONTROL.”

Staff say Jimmy has become increasingly insistent that someone — possibly the city, possibly “a neighbor with shifty energy” — is interfering with his belongings.

CITY STAFF REACH A BREAKING POINT

On Tuesday, after his latest submission titled “URGENT REQUEST: The Keys Have Vanished Again,” a group of exhausted city workers pulled Jimmy aside for what sources described as a “gentle but desperate intervention.”

Jimmy allegedly nodded, apologized, and agreed to stop.

Five minutes later, he submitted a new request:
​“All documents proving that you are not hiding my keys.”

JIMMY’S RESPONSE

When asked why he insists on using FOIA instead of, say, looking harder, Jimmy told reporters:

He added that he suspects his items vanish “only when the government is quiet,” whatever that means.

Jimmy also noted that he plans to file another request soon regarding “a suspiciously missing left sock.”

CITY OFFICIALS TRY TO EDUCATE

City Hall has now mailed Jimmy:

• A brochure titled “FOIA: What It Is and What It Is Very Much Not For.”
• A refrigerator magnet reading “Lost Item? Check Your Couch FIRST.”
• A laminated flowchart labeled Is This a FOIA Issue or a You Issue?

The chart’s first question is:
​“Did YOU lose it?”​
If yes, the chart ends immediately with:
​“This Is a You Issue.”

THE WATCHDOG WEIGHS IN

NRH WatchDog founder Blakie-Poo reviewed several of Jimmy’s FOIA filings and concluded:

Blakie-Poo did note, however, that Jimmy’s tone is starting to resemble the early stages of “Brentification,” warning:

THE AFTERMATH

City Hall is now considering adding a FAQ section to its website addressing the growing confusion:

Q: Can I file a FOIA request to find my keys?
A: No. Please look in your pockets.

Q: What about my remote?
A: Still no. Try shaking the recliner.

Q: What if the city DID take it?
A: We absolutely did not.

Jimmy, meanwhile, has taken his concerns to the NRH Facebook groups, where he posted:

THE WATCHDOG CONCLUSION

As of press time, Jimmy has filed one final request seeking “any and all correspondence, including internal city messages, memos, theories, documents, and snack room chatter” relating to his missing garage remote.

City staff are preparing their response:
​“Jimmy, please stop.”

The WatchDog will continue covering this developing saga — assuming Jimmy doesn’t FOIA us next.

Be Sure To Spread the Truth,
​Blakie-Poo, Your NRH WatchDog